And I mean that title literally and as a pun.
I've had Ulcerative Colitis since I was 11 years old. Back then, it was un heard of for kids, only 1 in like, 10,000 kids had it and I happened to be one of them. Naturally since not many kids had it, fingers were pointed by the medical industry towards the males of the family which was complete crap and unfounded. Since I've gotten older, it's become more Common.... sadly, amongst So many Americans (and I'm sure people abroad). I personally blame the Pharmaceutical & Food industries.... I believe they are hand in hand with making money off of people who eat the foods and wonder why they are sick. Anyway, back on track to where I was going.
Having U.C. Absolutely stinks. Having "Severe" U.C. is even worse.
Let me break it down for you of some of the things I deal with....
1. Anxiety
This is the feeling that hits when you are riding in a car with NO bathroom in sight and that sudden onset Urge hits, with the hot flashes and you feel like your going to implode, explode and the world will cease to exist unless you find a bathroom. Your heart races out of your chest, your breathing like you are running a marathon and the feeling of pure panic feeds it because you know you Won't make it to the bathroom in time.... then there's the anxiety of "If I do find a bathroom, is it a 1 seater and if it is a 1 seater, will it be out of order or will someone be in it? Will the bathroom be at the BACK of the store?. etc etc. etc. " so all of this is going through your mind while you try to not fly apart from the inside out.
2. Humiliation
This is the feeling if you Don't make it to the bathroom in time. You become a blubbering mess while trying to clean yourself up and not make too much noise as to concern people passing by the door.
It just chips away at your dignity little by little, but we don't really tell anyone cause they just "won't get it" so we keep it quietly to ourselves wishing people understood our peril, but not wanting to let the secret out because it's a hard cross to bear.
This is also the feeling when you Do have to explain to people Why you have to suddenly dodge out of a conversation due to uncontrollable tummy urges, and not that you aren't interested in them as a person. (Yes, it's gone that far for me!)
3. Despair/ Hopelessness
This feeling appears when you want to go places and are confined to your home/ BATHROOM when you have a flare up or ate something that didn't agree with you. It happens quite often and we can be mistaken for hermits.... thus why we want You to come to Our house to visit. Our bathroom is much more comfortable and we know where everything is in it.
It's not that we don't want to go places and do things, it's just that if there is no bathroom, the anxiety level is raised so high that we just can't enjoy ourselves while waiting for the inevitable to happen.
4. Frustration
There is a big level of frustration that is dealt with, knowing you Have to go places, i.e. Doctor's offices, grocery shopping and wanting to go places to be a part of the family. The worst part is pressure to be with the family on an outing, not wanting to miss out & make memories, but your tummy just doesn't want any part of it. This creates stress which in turn makes the problem even worse. It becomes one viscous cycle that seemingly never ends. This too, becomes part of the frustration, being stuck in a health rut .... "When will this ever let up?.... Why me? ..........etc etc etc."
One thing that I must ask anyone reading this who knows someone with even mild U.C..... be SUPPORTIVE. Don't be upset when you have to take a few more bathroom breaks on the road trip, it's OKAY. Yeah, it will take a little longer to get there, but that's part of the trip is the journey! Don't roll your eyes or huff whenever they have to go to the bathroom... this causes more stress to the U.C. sufferer and makes us feel like complete crap as a person. We are worth waiting for and if you don't want to put that time and effort in, then find someone else. Plain and simple. If you truly Love someone, you will be LOVING and Patient! Cause I can bet you, they would do the same for you if the shoe was on the other foot!
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