One of those days...

 I guess today is just One of those days. One of those days that Anxiety tries to shake me.... really hard. All because of a stupid jerk on facebook... someone I don't even know. I know, it shouldn't bother me, but now I have a whole new thing to think about and question....

We are moving to CO, ... are the people there going to resent us for moving there because of my reasons? I talked to a family member,... who said no.... 
but I shouldn't give 2 craps about what a stranger thinks. I think sometimes... that's my problem. I care TOO much. Always thinking about others, trying to make sure they are comfortable.... at my own expense most of the time. Either way. 

As you can see, today's post is more rambling than anything. Sometimes getting it off your chest just makes you feel a little better... a little less crazy.

There's so many... "Worries".... the drive out there.... the adjustment,.. the whole Moving my child out there, moving away from my family but being closer to hubby's family..... Will I be able to finally skate again? Coach? Finally lose weight? So much spins in my head it's dizzying. 

Lately, I've been listening to the same songs over and over on youtube of fan mashups of Suicide Squad Songs.... oddly they really relax me. Here's some of them.....

"Mad Hatter" - Youtube   

 "Blood Stream" - Youtube  

"Gangsta" - Youtube   

"Toxic" - Youtube

Scary Things

Today I went in for another Remicade infusion. It took 3 tries and a couple of different people to get the IV in.... not including blood work later,... that was only 1 stick. About 40 minutes after getting the infusion underway, I had a reaction and it was scary. I had a hard time breathing and my face and chest flush red and hot. The nurse stopped the IV for a little while to see if I would feel better. I eventually did and after they consulted the doctor, they piggy backed another Saline to the Remicade and made it go slower so i could get my "meds" in me. What a seriously scary experience. Being that there are only 3 or 4 Biologic meds out there right now, I have to have this work as long as I can,... or at least until we can make it out to Colorado.... (for the whole "alternative medicine" thing) and I can get off these Big "Meds".  

Having a "Chronic" disease like Crohn's, you tend to feel backed into a corner,... trapped. 

If you don't take meds, you can go into a flare up, bleed out, severely dehydrate and potentially die. (Yes,.... it has killed people) 

There is always a feeling of being a slave to medicines, doctor's visits, and the constant fear of not finding a bathroom in time. The feeling of Peril comes when, You know you have to take meds or flare and possibly die from it all.... or take the meds and have the crappy side effects. Let me remind you that Remicade is a "CHEMO" class drug. Some people have lost their hair from it, developed other serious conditions or even cancer. This is what I really really want to avoid. (Thus creating a GOFUNDME  so I can raise funds faster to get out there ASAP for "Alternative Medicines")

My friend made a post a couple of days about about her being the 1% of people who experience "Crohn's Like Symptoms" with this certain antibiotic and she told me I was Superwoman to put up with such things on a daily basis. At least she will be back to "normal" after a week... but it was nice for someone to get a Glimpse of my world. 

Giminy Crickets

   Good Morning everyone!
  How goes it in your neck of the woods? I am currently frustrated... I want to watch Deadpool and I remember seeing the DVD in a weird place, now I can't seem to locate it. Oh well, it will turn up in a bit, I imagine.

   What has everyone been up to? School started for us,..... it's back to routines and quiet time in the mornings for me! I've been feeling crummy on and off for the past couple of months. One reason was because of one of my meds... so I stopped taking that one, I'm now doing better. Still having some issues, but... trying not to freak out at the same time can be tricky.

   I must admit, I'm ready for cooler weather... I wish it could stay about 70 degrees year round,... but then again I could just move to Hawaii. Yeah,... not going to happen. lol I say this, but it is really awesome to live in a state with 4 seasons, not just "Hot, Hotter, Hotter than Hades, & You've Entered Hell" kind of heat, (I lived in Florida for 20+ years).

   Yesterday was a bust for grocery shopping with my mom, but my husband took me after work once I was feeling up to it. Although we didn't get our plans done, I did get to meet the Seamstress in town who used to have a store front. I had seen her in the thrift store before, I just didn't know that's who it was. She's pretty awesome and I told her I, too, sewed. She told me if I ever need help to give her a call. I wish I would have known her 4 years ago when I really started sewing, lol

   Have you seen "Suicide Squad" yet? There was a few things that could have been better, but I have somewhat become obsessed with Leto's Joker. I also keep finding the music videos on youtube to play over and over.

   Anyway, that's it for today! Thanks y'all for stoppin' by!