What a Year

This past year has been filled with a lot of Mixed emotions. My parents moved here, dad had a heart attack, our dog died, my friend has a miscarriage, her best friend and 2 kids were killed in a car wreck the weekend after. I had the flu, it set me back with Crohn's ( I was so sick I didn't take my meds. I couldn't get out of bed.) Hubby's mom has been fighting with cancer for many years and we were told she had 6-12 months, then it became 1 month, but she outlived it by a couple of months. Hubby was in the hospital 2 weekends ago, he got a promotion at work, then got news his sick mom fell, then she passed this Past Saturday. He's been taking care of business for that, I haven't gotten to talk to him more than a few minutes a day..... And I also have the added stress of a comic con in mid August I'm making Merch for. Plus my son has been spazzing out lately and I'm to my wits end lately.

On the flip side, I've been hitting the gym and changed my diet.... I've lost 31lbs so far and still have a little farther to go. My son flips out whenever I go to the gym, I don't get it. I haven't been in the past week and a half due to hubby in the hospital, his mom passing and comic con prep. I feel like I'm trapped in a hole with so much stress. I'm trying my best to not let it get to me, but it's difficult being strong for so many people and myself. Right now I've put myself on auto pilot and not letting myself think of his mom just so I can get through the day and make my stock for the con. Maybe it still hasn't hit me that she's really gone. I feel like I can't talk to anyone, even though I've been there every step of the way for other people in their times of hardship and crisis. They ask "how are you doing?"so I answer, just fine. If anyone really knew me, they would know I'm falling apart inside, but I've gotten good at swallowing it. I feel like I can't talk to hubby cause he's got so much going on with him, that I don't want to stress or burden him. Whenever he calls, I just sit quietly and let him talk and I just say "yeah, ok ".

I guess what I'm flustered at is, .... I'm always there for everyone else, no one is for me.  When I've tried to talk .... They just down play it. Whatever.